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Spare time?! NO WAI.

Wow, when's the last time I actually updated this thing?
Oh well, I'd have to say it isn't my fault, the play's been sucking up all my spare time, legit.
Opening night was Thursday!
It was fabulous. =)
And yesterday night's performance was even BETTER.
It's unfathomable how much I love the cast and crew, I don't know what will happen after this.
It'll feel really weird not going to rehearsal for 5 1/2 hours....
God, I'll have free time.
that's a shocker.
Oh well, at least it'll allow me to get back on track.
I upped my intake so I would eat a "normal dieter's" intake for the time of tech week/rehearsal because
1) I needed to stay up later to finish homework and research papers
2) You really need the energy in the play, not just for the physicality, but to bring the character to life.

I think....
I think that I never really had any sort of "disorder" in the first place (it makes me feel really awkward just typing this)
but instead, I was sumberged, enveloped in that sort of atmosphere due to my own doings, as well as many of my friends suffering from EDs of the sort.
I think being surrounded by that kind of behavior 24/7 might have...I don't know, done something to me.
That sounds stupid.
I know you can't "catch" and eating disorder.
But I think, to an extent, if that's all you're faced with, you may start to adopt some qualities of it, but never the full psychological aspects?
I have no fucking clue.
But I think the thing that differentiates me from being eating disordered is the fact that I can push myself to eat if need be, I don't have an undying phobia of it.
So who am I?
I'm not a dieter, I'm not eating disordered.
I want to lose weight, and I'm able to eat a "normal" amount of food.
But I'm more comfortable with restriction and I'm attracted to the abnormally thin body.
I'm just...I'm really confused.
Oh well.
I should just push that out of my head and focus on being sub-100 before China.
That gives me 6 weeks.
I've been maintaining my weight throughout the play at around 109 lbs.
So I need 10 lbs in 6 weeks.
With my free time, I can exercise a lot more, and the only meal I'll have is dinner, around 300 calories of lots of healthy stuff.
Aka green beans, grilled chicken breast, veggie burgers, broccoli, squash, yummmm.

Cast party tonight.
God I'm so excited. =)


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